Christmas Memory
by BlueBlood82
Summary: Join Jamie and Eddie as they make special holiday memories as new partners, newlyweds, expectant parents, and beyond in this four part holiday story. Please R/R
1. Partners

**A/N: This is my first Jamko holiday story. There will be three more parts taking us through different stages of Jamie and Eddie's life. Please read and review. I apologize in advance if I missed any major typos. I've been sick but I am trying hard to keep thing going.**

December 20th

Jamie pulled his scarf tighter around his neck as he crossed the street in the cold New York afternoon. He had planned a flight to California to see Dana, but it had been overbooked. Jamie graciously gave up his seat to a young husband so he could spend the holiday with his wife and young children. Jamie knew Dana would be disappointed but she would have her friends and her family to keep her company and he would have the company of his own family.

Jamie reached into his pocket for his keys and turned toward the nearly deserted parking lot. There only appeared to be a score of other vehicles in a lot that was usually full to capacity. He quickened his pace as the wind grew colder and whistled by his ears. On the rush of wind he heard a soft sound come from a nearby car. He slowed his step and listened more closely.

"Ow, damn it!" the voice swore again. "It's too cold for this!"

The voice belonged to a woman and she appeared to be distressed. Jamie zeroed in on the car, Silver Porsche. Eddie. The voice belonged to Eddie, it had been distorted by the wind. He casually moved closer to the car and it's small yet irate owner. "Hey, Eddie. What's wrong?"

The sound of his voice startled her and she immediately took a defensive posture. She reached into her pocket for her off duty when she realized it was Jamie. "Reagan, what are you doing back here? Shouldn't you be half way to Los Angeles?"

"Flight was overbooked so I volunteered to stay home, it's okay. It wouldn't feel like Christmas anyway with palm trees instead of the Scotch pine my grandpa always gets. What's wrong with your car?"

"Flat tire," Eddie griped. "Getting a jack up under this thing is a pain in the ass."

"Then let me have a look, perhaps I can get the car jacked up so you can be on your way."

They'd been partners for four months now, and while they were becoming friends Eddie was still wary around him. His careful, easy tone calmed her down from her earlier ire, and she nodded, "All right, I'd like your help. Thank you."

Jamie moved closer to examine the situation, "Do you have your flashlight?" he asked stooping on the cold, wet ground.

"My good one is in my locker and I don't think the bulb in the one in the car works," Eddie replied through clenched teeth as she shivered in the cold.

"I have a light in my car," Jamie said rising from this crouched position. "Why don't you get in the car and fire the engine up, get out of the cold until I get back?"

"You can't jack up the car with me in it?" Eddie sighed. "It's all right you can go, I'm sure you have somewhere to be."

"Actually, yes, I do," Jamie replied. "I have to be over at my car so I can retrieve my flashlight and get you on your way. Sit in the car, get warm."

"By the time that car throws any heat you can change all four tires, I'll walk with you. Keep the blood pumping."

Jamie met her pretty blue eyes and smiled, "Good idea." She fell into step beside him. She respected her partner since the day they first met, his manner and presence defined a gentleman.

The night seemed to descend upon them quickly as they made their way from one end of the parking lot to the other. Neither spoke, the wind would drown out their voices, but their steps were perfectly in sync with one another until the heel of Eddie's fashion boot hit a patch of ice disguised as plain water. Her ankle twisted painfully forcing her leg out from under her. She hit the ground hard with a squeal of surprise and an unceremonious thud.

Jamie paused at Eddie's cry and turned quickly to see his partner lying on the wet ground. Her soft blue eyes were closed as Jamie dropped to his knees and removed his gloves so he could place his hand on Eddie's cheek, "Eddie," Jamie said urgently. "Eddie, can you…"

Eddie opened her eyes and focused on Jamie's face. She blinked slowly then began to sit up.

"No, don't," Jamie urged. "Stay still."

"It's freezing and now I'm soaking wet," Eddie argued. 'I want…"

"I know," Jamie soothed. "Just please let me help okay? Does anything hurt? Your head or your neck?"

Everything hurt, Eddie thought but replied, "Not really, just a little where I bumped it."

"Did you black out at all?" he asked placing two fingers beside her neck to check her pulse. "Your pulse is racing? Does your chest feel tight? Lie still, I'll call a bus."

"No," Eddie insisted. "To all three. I'm all right, really."

Jamie sighed, "All right, sit up slowly," he instructed placing one hand behind her neck to help her "All right? Any pain or dizziness?"

Eddie shook her head, "No the only thing that hurts is my ankle, the left one."

Jamie shifted his attention to Eddie's ankle. He pressed his fingers against the joint and Eddie cried out at even the slightest touch. "Okay," Jamie sighed. "Let's get you checked out." He moved near her upper body again, "Put your arms around my neck."

"You are not carrying me," Eddie insisted. "Just help me stand."

Jamie was fairly certain Eddie's ankle was broken but if she wanted to try to stand he would help her. That's what partners did.

Leaning heavily on Jamie, Eddie managed to get to her feet, but winced and fell against him the moment she tried to take a step.

"Eddie, I think you fractured your ankle. You need to see a doctor," Jamie told her firmly. "Please let me help you to my car, I'll drive you to St. Victor's."

"I'm not going to the hospital three days before Christmas," Eddie insisted. "I'm sure I'm keeping you from something or someone."

Jamie shoved it off, "No matter, Eddie. I'm your partner, you got hurt. On the job or off the job, I'm going to be here if you need me and it seems to me I'm needed right here, right now. Now please, put your arms around my neck before this air drops another degree, all right?"

Eddie blushed but slid her arms around Jamie's neck. He stooped and in seconds had her off her feet and held securely in his arms.

Half an hour later, Jamie sat beside Eddie at the always busy hospital ER and waited for her name to be called. Eddie wasn't sure why Jamie was staying but part of her was grateful he was. She learned very young not to trust people, especially men but there was something about her partner that made her feel almost dare she say it, safe though their silence was tense.

Eddie tried to break it, "You don't have to stay with me Reagan. I can get the X-ray by myself."

"I know you can but we're partners and I though at least we were becoming friends. We go to happy hour and stuff…so why are you acting all standoffish now? Is this cause of what you said about your dad?"

"Partly," Eddie sighed. "Truthfully, I don't like this time of year very much. I usually spend it alone or I volunteer to work whatever job, but this year I didn't."

Jamie sighed, "I'm sorry, Eddie. That's terrible, but look I am your partner and I really want us to be friends okay. I am exactly where I want to be, with my partner…"

Before their small talk continued a nurse called Eddie's name. Jamie helped her to the wheelchair the nurse provided then followed as she was taken to a cubicle. He waited while she had her vital signs taken and listened as a baby faced medical student took her medical history before informing Eddie he was going to remove her boot so he could examine her ankle and get an X-ray.

Jamie kept his eyes fixed on Eddie's face as the "doctor" unlaced her shoes then pulled and tugged this way and that failing with each maneuver to get it off. Through the entire ordeal Eddie never made a sound though Jamie knew what she was going through, it had to be painful. She stayed brave biting her lip until it bled but she never once cried out. After nearly ten grueling minutes Jamie's patience for the student's inexperience wore thin and he spoke, "Excuse me, I'd like another doctor to take a hand at that. You're hurting her and still having no success. Please give it a break."

"Sir, I have to get her shoe off so I can…" the student began but trailed off when met with the cold stare Jamie was sending in his direction. "I'll ask the Chief Resident to have a look," he stuttered and was gone.

Jamie reached over to the bedside cart and used the water pitcher to moisten his handkerchief before handing it to Eddie. She looked at him perplexed.

"For you lip," he replied. "It's clean. It's a grandpa thing, always have a clean handkerchief."

"Thanks," Eddie replied accepting the gesture.

A few moments later, the new doctor arrived and immediately determined Eddie's boot would need to be cut off due to the swelling in her ankle. Again she said nothing, though as the doctor worked on removing the shoe a tear slipped out of her eye. Jamie placed a comforting had on her shoulder and gave it a soft squeeze.

Eddie was soon taken to X-ray. Jamie was instructed to wait in her cubicle until she was returned. The test as over quickly and before either of them knew it the staff orthopedist arrived to deliver the results.

"Well the good news is that it's not broken, it's just a bad sprain, but the bad news is that there is an extreme amount of swelling, so Eddie, you are going to have to stay off your feet and keep that leg elevated for a few days."

"How many days?" Eddie asked. "My apartment is a walk up. I'll be stuck in the house not able to get in or out for the holidays."

"Probably three days," replied the doctor. "You'll need someone with you. You should not put any weight on that leg if you want it to heal quickly and get back in the field."

"But I don't…" Eddie began but was cut off by Jamie.

"Doctor, will you excuse us please?" he queried.

The physician nodded, "Certainly, ask the nurse to page me when you've made the necessary arrangements."

Once Jamie and Eddie were left alone, he stood in front of her. "I'll stay with you, or better you can stay with me, my building has an elevator." Jamie had no idea where that came from but there it was on his lips.

Eddie shook her head in shock, "Jamie, I…There is no way I can accept your offer, we don't know each other well enough…"

"We have been partners four months, we have each other's back every day in the field, and we take care of our own, Eddie. You are staying with me."

Three Days Later

Jamie held the step ladder for Eddie as she placed the brightly colored star on top of his Christmas tree. Eddie told him she had not had a Christmas tree of nay worth since she was 15. He had no idea how bleak Christmas must be for her, he only knew his desire to change that.

"There," Eddie announced securing the star on the highest bough of the tree. "That's perfect."

"I wish you let me do that. Your ankle is still swollen. You might fall," Jamie worried.

"If I do, you'll catch me," Eddie laughed. "There isn't any fun in decorating a tree if you can't put on the star."

"I see," Jamie agreed. "Well, be careful coming down. Watch your step."

Eddie easily stepped off the ladder as Jamie hovered near her. Once she was safely down on the floor they stood back and admired the tree, "It's beautiful," Eddie murmured. "Thank you for doing this with me. It means a lot to me."

"My pleasure," Jamie smiled. "I like the company, I like your company."

Eddie offered Jamie a bright smile, they had gotten so much closer sharing space for the last few days. Eddie sat down heavily on the sofa, "You know for a guy as handsome and as smart and sweet as you are, I'd think you'd have more than an on again off again girlfriend. I'd think you'd have a wife and a family by now."

Jamie sat down, "Never found the right girl." He grabbed a couple of beers and sat down beside her. "I was engaged, but I told you that. I suppose what it really is for me…marriage it's for life," Jamie confessed. "I'll have to be really sure before I made such a firm commitment."

"So few people are like that," Eddie commented. "And sometimes, those that do believe that need to reconsider. People change, not always for the better."

"You mean like your parents?" Jamie asked gently.

"Like a lot of people," Eddie sighed. "Everything is great when things go smoothly but when you add life into the equation, family responsibilities, job pressures, everything changes."

"Of course, everything changes, honey," Jamie sighed the endearment slipping from his lips. "But anger, hate, violence, the capability of that is always there below the surface ready to explode or it isn't because you are not capable of that emotion."

"I'm fairly certain I am capable of those emotions,' Eddie sighed. "I've felt them toward my dad for years."

"What happened to you growing up, what you had to endure those last high school years, it's not fair," Jamie soothed. "You should be angry at your father for what he did and your mother for not supporting you and giving in to the shame. Still our own experiences shape us and you are the strong, beautiful, intelligent woman you are because of that."

"Jamie Reagan and his silver linings," Eddie chuckled lightly before checking her watch. "I should be going. Thank you so much for letting me help you…"

"It's not even eight o'clock," Jamie objected. "Sit there I have some apple cider in the fridge. I'll heat some up for us."

"You don't have to go through so much trouble," Eddie protested as Jamie rose.

"It's no trouble," he assured her. "I'll be a minute."

As Eddie rested her ankle on the sofa and waited for Jamie to return she thought about the path her dreams had taken recently. Eddie had never wanted a family, no husband, no children, but the past few days spent with Jamie changed her mind. Those previously foolish ideals ow seemed important if unattainable for she knew her handsome partner did not share her feelings or her thoughts or permanent romance.

A few minutes later, Jamie was at her side placing a fragrant cup of warm apple cider in her hand. "Here you are. I added extra cinnamon, I remember you especially like cinnamon."

"I do thank you," Eddie replied. "It's the one spice you can't seem to overdo." She took a small sip. "This is excellent."

"I'm glad you like it," Jamie replied slipping a smartly wrapped package across Eddie's lap. She looked down startled.

"What is it?" she asked.

"You'll have to open it to find out," Jamie replied.

"I don't have anything for you," Eddie blushed embarrassed.

"That's not why people give presents," Jamie countered. "Go on. Open it."

Eddie slowly unwrapped the gorgeous package Jamie had given her. He had used a very thick foil paper not the usual thin style so it held shape very well around the box it concealed. Eddie slide the tissue paper aside and revealed a pretty angora scarf, hat, and glove set in her favorite color, light blue. "Oh Jamie," Eddie smiled. "It's lovely, just perfect."

"I'm glad you like it," Jamie smiled. "I tried to get a scarf made out of soft enough material so it wouldn't irritate your skin. I noticed it is especially sensitive near your neck."

Eddie leaned forward as she thanked Jamie and pressed her lips to his cheek. They had never been this close to each other, not since she fell and he carried her to his car. Jamie felt his heart quicken as the lovely scent of Eddie, vanilla, lavender, and musk teased his nostrils. He'd wished for this moment, this closeness an now here it was. Jamie gathered all his strength and courage then in a split second turned his head to the side so he could capture Eddie's luscious lips with his own.

Eddie startled at first at the spontaneity of Jamie's actions, but recovered quickly and began to respond. She opened her lips a touch so Jamie could slide his upper lip between both of her lips effectively giving him full control over the kiss. He moved his mouth easily and gently varying the pressure ever so slightly from time to time cautious to give as much as he was taking.

Eddie wasn't sure who began the movements that brought the pair closer to each other but soon she found her arms looping around Jamie's neck while his arms encircled her back his hands moving slowly up and down in a soothing motion as the kiss deepened and their tongues danced a timeless dance.

All too soon Jamie pulled back from Eddie to catch his breath. Eddie's lips were red and swollen from his attention, her cheeks flushed with arousal and her overly expressive eyes were fixed on him shining with a combination of excitement and apprehension.

Jamie was perhaps more astonished by his actions than Eddie. She was a rookie, his partner. This course was unacceptable, he had most certainly overstepped his boundaries.

Jamie shot off the sofa desperate to become distant from Eddie. He covered his mouth with his hand and gasped, "My God, Eddie, I'm so sorry."

Eddie was confused. What was there to feel sorry about in this situation? "For what, Jamie?" she asked gently.

"For kissing you like that. It never should have happened," he sighed. "I am truly sorry."

"Well, I'm not," Eddie replied. "That's all I wanted you to do since the day we met." Eddie rose from the sofa and moved closer to Jamie very slowly.

"But it's wrong, Eddie," Jamie argued. "I'm your partner. That has no room for romantic entanglements. It shouldn't have happened."

"But it did happen and you can't fight it," Eddie pointed out as she reached for his hand. "Can you? You feel it too, Jamie. The pull between us, you can't ignore it and we'll both be miserable if you try."

Jamie squeezed Eddie's hand. "I've never…Breaking the rules has never been who I am. I always went by the book and I…" He moved closer and cupped Eddie's cheek and brushed a stray tear drop from it. "I want this, Eddie. I want us, but…we can't be partners anymore, you know that. You might resent me for that later and…"

"Later is later," Eddie sighed, leaning into his touch. "And now is now. All I'll ever resent you for is not trying this when we both know it's what we want, what we need."

Jamie gave a slight nod and leaned in for another kiss too announce his decision to which Eddie gave a contented sigh.


	2. Newlyweds

Newlyweds

Eddie wiped a tear from her face as she straightened her six month pregnant body from its crouched position on the floor. She had just finished wrapping Jamie's Christmas gift. This would be their first Christmas as a married couple not to mention their first one in their new home. They decided to be a little selfish this Christmas Eve and have a private celebration before joining the Reagan clan the next day.

The wind whistled outside and Eddie shivered. Their modest home had old heating and drafty windows. It was meant to be a temporary place until they could buy a house though given Eddie's surprise and at the time, unwanted pregnancy the dream of owning in the near future was to remain just that.

They were supposed to be married two years not two months before having a family but that wasn't in cards for them. As the baby grew inside of her, Eddie adjusted and looked forward to the March arrival. The situation wasn't ideal but she tried to make the best of it. Jamie, on the other hand, who had always been a kid magnet, was less optimistic.

Eddie carefully hid the package under their bed and made her way to the kitchen for a warm cup of herbal tea. As Eddie drank the apple flavored beverage as she relaxed in the large recliner that was Jamie's when he was home, she looked at the wall clock. It was already after four on Christmas Eve and Jamie had still not arrived home from the 2-7 Squad. He was eight hours overdue and had not called or even returned her texts. He promised her before leaving for work very early that morning they would go to the Christmas tree lot and select a tree to decorate that night. It seemed though that was not going to happen.

Eddie rose from the recliner and moved to the kitchen. She had no idea when Jamie would get home but she and the baby needed to eatcso she inventoried the fridge and pantry in order to start supper.

While she sat peeling potatoes she heard Jamie's key unlock the front door followed by his footfalls on the wooden floor. She heard him open the coat closet and hang up his overcoat, then secure his weapon before coming to stand in the kitchen doorway.

"Eddie, honey," Jamie began. "I am so sorry I'm late. I completely lost track of time."

Eddie continued peeling her potatoes. "It's all right, Jamie. You're home that's what's important, right?" She phrased it as more of a question than a point of fact. It was a fact that as long as she was Mrs. Jamison Reagan she would have to accept the he would always get a bit of tunnel vision when it came to the work he so desperately enjoyed. That was part of who he was, part of what made her love him so much. Still, Eddie had to admit his tendency to completely forget her while he worked hurt a bit. Since she had gone on leave 20 weeks into her pregnancy and Jamie had made detective he had done that more and more often.

Jamie moved closer to her chair and sat beside her. Eddie was peeling the potatoes with a sharp paring knife. Jamie shook his head, "Eddie, I asked you not to peel them like that anymore. I bought you a nice peeler so you won't cut your hands."

"I'm just used to doing it like this," Eddie countered. "Aren't you going to tell me about the case you caught? If it was intriguing enough for you to pull a double shift without calling it must be worthy of my knowing about it."

"On the merits of what makes a case, it isn't much," Jamie replied. "The evidence is so cold. I doubt we'll see any real outcome."

"I'm sorry," Eddie sympathized reaching out to squeeze his hand. "I know how that upsets you. You can only do what can be done, Jamie. You can't follow a lead that isn't there no matter how hard you look for it."

"I know," Jamie replied kissing Eddie's hand cradling it between both of his hands. "That's not why I was late. I got absorbed in the insect activity. We have this new lab technician that does entomology, it was so interesting."

Eddie met Jamie's eyes as he told her about the things he learned. His Harvard mind was starved for that kind of stimulation. His blue eyes were literally glowing with excitement at the learning potential he'd been presented with that day. Seeing that kind of joy on his face was enough to replace any anger she had felt toward him with joy at his happiness. "That is great, Jamie," Eddie replied. "Supper will be a few hours yet. I'm going to try and make our Christmas Eve meal something to remember and not…"

Jamie stopped listening as soon as Eddie said Christmas Eve. Quickly he glanced at the calendar on the wall. Sure enough it was turned to December 24th. He had promised Eddie on Christmas Eve they would go select a tree to decorate and she had not said a word about it as of yet. Still, he'd promised her and he intended to keep that promise.

Jamie let go of her hand, "Put these away, honey," he told her. "I promised I'd take you to get a Christmas tree tonight and we are going to do that right after dinner."

"We'll never eat dinner if I put the potatoes away, Jamie. They aren't going to peel themselves," Eddie pointed out.

"I know, baby," Jamie smiled. "But those potatoes will be here tomorrow. I'm going to treat my best girl to a nice meal that she doesn't have to prepare."

"Oh, Jamie, that's sweet but we can't afford that," Eddie sighed. 'I don't mind really."

"I mind," Jamie countered. "I want to do this for you, Eddie. Please let's enjoy this time. We have so little time together."

Eddie saw the sincerity and love in her husband's eyes and offered her a small smile. "All right. I'll just need a minute to change."

Eddie emerged from the bedroom five minutes later wearing a pretty red velvet maternity dress. It was one of the few dressy maternity dresses she owned, but if there ever was an occasion to dress up, this was it. She noticed that Jamie had cleaned up the dinner preparations and put on one of his clean shirts from the laundry basket. "Ready to go, my love?" he asked taking Eddie's hand and drawing her close for a hug. Eddie nodded as Jamie helped her pull on her heavy coat.

Jamie took her to Chinatown for dim sum that was always good and reasonably priced as well.

After a very enjoyable meal, the Reagans returned to their car and drove to the packed Christmas tree lot. There were still a surprising number of good looking trees left in spite of the late hour on Christmas Eve. Jamie held onto Eddie firmly as they explored the busy lot so she wouldn't slip and fall.

There were trees of all shapes, sizes, and species. Eddie remembered the year before Henry had them get a Scotch pine even though they had found a Blue Spruce with thicker needles and a healthier bark. This year there were no limitations, a fact Eddie found overwhelming as well as delightful.

Jamie led Eddie toward the larger trees in the rear of the lot occasionally pointing to one he thought might make a nice tree for their first married Christmas.

"They are all very nice," Eddie replied as they examined tree after tree.

Jamie notice Eddie's eyes drifting every so often to the left side of the lot. The trees there were merely saplings too small to be of much use, yet Eddie kept peaking at them when she thought Jamie wasn't looking.

"Eddie, look at his one, honey," Jamie said pointing to a gorgeous deep green fir tree about four feet tall with full, fresh scented branches. "This is perfect! It'll fit in the corner by the window."

"I love it, Jamie," Eddie agreed. "This is definitely the one." Their choice made Jamie pulled the coded tag off the trunk so he could give it to the clerk before removing the tree to secure it to his car. As they walked Jamie slipped his arm around Eddie's shoulders. She cuddled into his side and stifled a sob.

"Eddie?" Jamie asked gently lifting Eddie's chin to examine her face. "What's is it, honey? What's wrong?"

Eddie sniffed and wiped her eyes, "Nothing's wrong. Don't worry."

"You don't cry for nothing," Jamie prodded gently. "Are you cold? Do you feel sick?"

"No, Jamie. It's nothing like that…I just…the tree..." Eddie began.

"Don't you like this tree?" Jamie asked. "We can pick out another tree if…"

"I love the one we chose," Eddie assured him. "It's silly really. I keep thinking about the tiny little twig trees and how no one chooses them to decorate. It reminds me of being a teenager with a crook for a dad. It's an outcast. I know trees don't have feelings, it's only the pregnancy hormones making me act silly."

"It's not sil.." Jamie began when a familiar voice cut into his thoughts.

"Jamie, small world meeting you here," said Jamie's old friend Spencer as he shook Jamie's hand.

"Spencer, long time no see," Jamie greeted. "Eddie, you remember Spencer Kroft. Spencer, my wife, Eddie."

Eddie offered her hand to Spencer, remembering him from a night that in fact was not very long ago but in some way seemed to be forever. "Nice to see you again, you are prettier than I remember. Jamie's e-mails don't do you justice."

Eddie blushed and rested her hand on her belly. "Thank you. It's getting harder and harder to feel pretty lately."

Spencer's eyes went to Eddie's visible baby bump. He smiled, "Jamie, son of a gun, you didn't tell me you're going to be a father. Congratulations."

Jamie's response to his friend's words barely registered with Eddie for her mind was engulfed in a world of anger and hurt that Jamie had kept the baby a secret from his best friend. Unconsciously, Eddie moved away from Jamie's embrace. "Jamie, I'm not feeling well. I'll meet you at the car," she choked out before sharply turning and beating a hasty retreat.

Jamie finished his conversation with Spencer quickly and made short work of paying for the tree they chose. He had to wait about five minutes for one of the attendants to retrieve the fir and place it on a cart before he could join Eddie only when he arrived at his Mustang, Eddie was nowhere in sight.

The process of securing the Christmas tree was a blur as Jamie tried to keep calm and locate his wife. He searched the outdoor restrooms, the lot of small saplings, even the nearby diner but could not find her anywhere. In a near panic, he made his way back to the cashier.

"Ma'am, excuse me," Jamie said quickly. "Did you happen to see a smallish pregnant blond in a blue overcoat come by here?"

"As a matter of fact," the cashier, an older lady, answered. "Yes, she asked about a bus schedule then headed to the 10th street stop."

Jamie thanked the lady then sprinted in the direction of their car.

It only took Jamie about ten minutes to catch up with Eddie. She was walking quickly with both arms wrapped around her middle occasionally lifting her hand to wipe at her cheeks. He pulled the car over about 10 feet ahead of where Eddie was walking. Jamie turned off the engine and got out of the car as Eddie approached.

"Eddie, what on God's earth do you think you're doing?" Jamie nearly bellowed in shock and fear. "It's freezing and dark out here. Get in the car right now!"

"Go to Hell!" Eddie shot back her voice full of venom. "I don't want you anywhere near me!"

"Eddie! What's wrong with you? What got into you?" Jamie asked honestly confused about what had Eddie so angry at him.

Eddie stopped walking then and stood still in front of Jamie. She lifted her face and met his eyes, tears streaming down her flushed cheeks. "How could you not know what…No, I suppose you wouldn't know, would you? That would involve thinking or paying attention to some else besides yourself, your work, or the Reagan clan! Do I mean so little to you…does our child mean so little to you that you would…"

The truth of Eddie's words hit Jamie like a ton of bricks. It had hurt her deeply that Spencer did not know about her pregnancy. Eddie's condition had been a surprise, a shock to both of them. She wanted to stay on the force and take the Sergeant's exam but now that dream was on ice, their child would be there in March. They had plans for the first part of their married life and now it was all jumbled up. Eddie had come to terms with that change but he hadn't He'd chosen to adjust to it by ignoring it and pretending things were as they planned without a though to Eddie's feelings if she found out about it.

"No," Jamie protested "You mean so much to me, honey, you know you do! Please just get in the car and we'll go home and talk."

"I'm not going to get in the car, Jamie," Eddie insisted. 'And you are most certainly not coming home!"

"Eddie, I know I hurt you. I do, and I'm sorry," Jamie pleaded. "Please let's talk about this. It's Christmas Eve. I love you and I love the baby."

"That only makes it worse," Eddie sighed defeated. "You are always saying that people lie but the evidence never does, and all the evidence I have proves the direct opposite of love, Jamie. If youc can find or give any evidence that backs up your claim of love for our child, you can come home. If not, by the time you plan a move we'll both be gone. I grew up knowing I was unwanted and as God is my witness, my child, will not. You have 24 hours to make your case."

With that final declaration, Eddie started walking again leaving a dumbfounded and panic stricken Jamie alone in the cold New York night.

In shock, Jamie walked back to the car and got in the driver's seat Eddie's words had struck a nerve not because of their harshness but because of their truth. Since the minute Eddie told him she was pregnant all he had done was ignore the situation and pretend it would go away only realistically he knew it would not. Now his poor judgment could cost him the only thing he had that mattered to him, his only little family.

As Jamie turned the car back toward the Christmas tree lot he thought over and over again about Eddie's words. The evidence never lied and that was what she now required of him as proof of his commitment to her and their baby. Jamie slowed the car to a stop at a traffic light in front of the tree lot. He looked out the window at a place that was once supposed to hold a precious memory. Now all of that could be gone, their marriage, their family, and all the potential their life once held was now as good as gone unless he did something about it.

Eddie had been home nearly an hour before she heard Jamie's key rattling the lock. She honestly did not know what she was going to do if she had to make good on her threat to leave, but she would manage somehow.

"Eddie!" she heard Jamie call as he entered the house. "Eddie! Honey are you here?"

"Back here," Eddie called from her curled position on their bed.

She heard Jamie hang his coat and place his keys in the dish before he moved on to their bedroom. Eddie was lying on top of their covers, knees pull up tight, her arms protectively cradling her baby. The room was dark but Jamie could make out tear tracks and a red rose on Eddie's face. Slowly, he knelt beside the bed and stroked her hair gently.

"Eddie, sweetheart, I don't know if anything I can say will heal the pain I caused you, but I still hope you'll listen to me and hear me," Jamie began cautiously. "We mad so many plans, we both had dreams of things that we wanted to accomplish. It seems that we had things scripted out in a specific order but life had other ideas," Jamie paused and moistened his lips. "When we found out you were pregnant so soon, I got scared."

Eddie turned to look at Jamie then, "I know. I was scared too. I still am. You could have said that."

Jamie reached to take Eddie's hand in his, "I know you were afraid, but I didn't want to be. I though I should be strong and brave for you so you'd be calm, and the only way I knew how to do that was to pretend this wasn't happening, pretend all our plans were intact and that the…the baby didn't exist. I guess I thought if I pretended hard enough it would go away…" Jamie knew how terrible that sounded but he had Eddie's ear and she knew him well enough to understand his badly botched meaning.

"It can go away for you, Jamie," Eddie replied very calmly. "You can go back to your life before that Christmas Eve two years ago but I can't. I love you so much and though it will kill me to be without you, I love you enough to let you go and be happy."

Jamie's eyes filled with tears at Eddie's words before he pulled her to him in a fierce hug. "No, God, no," he whispered. "I could never be happy without you, Eddie. You are my life, my world, you and our baby. The only thing that frightens me more than raising a child with you is living without you."

Eddie felt her chin quiver so she bit her lip hard, "Your words are lovely, Jamie," Eddie replied. "But I need more than that. I need…"

"Proof, I know,' Jamie confirmed. "Come with me. It's in the living room."

Eddie took Jamie's hand and followed him to the living room. There in a small ceramic planter was one of the small thin saplings she'd seen at the Christmas tree lot. She raised a wet, questioning gaze to Jamie.

"The large tree we selected is still on the car, but I think that this one may be more what we are in need of this year," Jamie explained. "Unless we plant this little tree and nurture it, feed it, love it, it will just die on us, just like any other Christmas tree usually does. This one is small enough that I can be transplanted once the baby comes so we can watch it grow along with the little one."

Eddie had started crying early in Jamie's speech, so it was hard for her to find her voice when he finished. "Jamie…I…" Was all she managed.

"I know doing the right thing now can't make up for not doing it, but…I'd like a chance to make it right," Jamie whispered gently.

As a response, Eddie reached up and pulled Jamie in for a kiss, "I love you," she murmured as he held her close.

"I love you, too," Jamie professed. "I love both of you. Merry Christmas, Mrs. Reagan."

"Merry Christmas, Detective Reagan," Eddie whispered in his hair before pulling out their ornament boxes to decorate their tree.


	3. A Child is Born

A Child is Born

Jamie laughed loudly as he opened his "Secret Santa" gift from Renzulli. "Modern Dad's Survival Kit," Jamie read. "Includes two sets of ear plugs, one nose clip, one set of protective goggles, a box of latex-fee gloves, a $10.00 couponed to J&R liquor store and 10 condoms. Thanks, Sarge."

"I thought I'd get you something useful this year," Renzulli laughed. "Though after three kids you're probably a pro by now."

"What do you think, Eddie?" Kara asked her very pregnant friend who had been quiet most of the evening. Eddie was nearly ten days overdue and very uncomfortable.

"He's not so bad," Eddie replied smiling. "Though if this baby doesn't make his or her appearance soon he'll need a good deal more condoms or a vasectomy."

"You look like you've dropped some in the last few days," Kara observed. "It shouldn't be much longer." Kara had three children herself.

"Her OB says if she hasn't delivered by Friday she is going to induce," Jamie commented. "It's never taken this long. I thought the more children you had the shorter the pregnancy."

"Some say so," replied Renzulli. "That's only true with the delivery though."

"Do you think it will be another girl?" McKenna asked. Of the three children they already shared only one had been a boy.

"This is the first time I didn't have a feel for that," Eddie sighed. "I know Jamie will be glad if it's a boy."

"Honey, at this point, I'll be glad if it's a monkey. I know how uncomfortable you've been," Jamie empathized as Kara cringed. That was the worst thing he could have said to her right now.

"No, you don't!" Eddie snapped. "You aren't carrying around a 35 pound basketball with swollen ankles, sore breasts and an aching back! You are just sitting pretty."

Jamie searched the room for help only to find his friends busily avoiding eye contact with him. Finally Regetti spoke, "You walked into that one, Reagan."

The party continued as more gifts were opened and food eaten. Eddie ate very little and stayed quiet watching the activity around her rather than participating in it.

Kara sat beside her, "What are you worried about, Eddie?"

"The birth," Eddie replied. "The doctor says if the baby is over 7 lbs I'll need another C-section because of Patrick and I don't want another one of those. It hurt so badly and Jamie couldn't be with me. I need him with me when I deliver, Kara."

"Yeah, sure," Kara sympathized. "Did your doctor have a guess about the weight?"

"Not really, but I know babies that are late are usually bigger and I'm so late," Eddie sighed. "Don't worry about it, I'm just tired, my back has been killing me for two days."

"I remember that," Kara commiserated. "Hang in there, oh and thanks for throwing Tracy that babysitting job. I know you usually use someone in the family but she really needed the money." Kara's sister had been struggling to find a job so Eddie and Jamie helped her out by hiring her to watch Abigail, Elizabeth, and Patrick.

"It's our pleasure, believe me," Eddie smiled rubbing her belly. "The kids adore her."

Kara moved to the side to get a plate of cookies leaving Eddie to people watch as she shifted to find a comfortable position. She leaned back against the head rest of her chair and closed her eyes.

A short while later, Eddie felt Jamie's familiar touch on her shoulder. "Come on, honey. Time to go home."

Eddie grimaced a bit before protesting, "No, I'm fine and you're enjoying yourself. You stay, we'll stay."

"No, not any longer," Jamie overruled. "You'll need your strength when this little one decides he or she wants to be seen," he smiled and helped her out of her seat.

They took a few minutes to say goodnight and Merry Christmas before departing.

"Jamie," Eddie said as they headed toward the parking lot. "I better run in here before we get on the road or we'll just have to stop." She nodded towards the ladies room.

"Good idea," Jamie agreed. "I'll wait here."

Eddie was in the bathroom nearly ten minutes when Jamie began to worry. He wrapped gently on the door and called, "Eddie, are you okay?" When she didn't answer he called again, "Man on the floor!" before entering the bathroom.

Jamie found Eddie at the sinks trying to clean a large puddle of fluid around her feet even as more gushed every second. Eddie looked at her husband embarrassed, "My water just broke," Eddie cried. "Look at this mess."

"It's okay, Eddie," Jamie soothed. ""Are you having contractions?"

"I haven't felt any really strong ones," Eddie replied "Not enough that my water should break."

Jamie sighed, "Either way we are going to the hospital," Jamie said. "Tracy is already with the children. It's all perfect. I'll call the family and tell them to meet us."

Eddie didn't protest at all only followed obediently as Jamie lead her out of the precinct to their car. They were about ten minutes away from the 12th when Eddie cried out in surprise at the strength of her contraction. "Oh, oh…my God! Jamie!" she gasped.

"Contraction?" he asked though the answer was obvious.

"No," Eddie snapped with sarcasm. "We just won the lottery."

"Try and relax, honey," Jamie comforted. "St Ben's isn't far away."

Eddie sighed and nodded as she focused on her deep breathing. Although she took Lamaze for each birth she still forgot the breathing exercises as the pain increased.

After another ten minutes, traffic on the avenue seemed to slow to a crawl as Eddie's labor accelerated at warp speed. "Jamie, you have to go faster," Eddie moaned seized by her sixth contraction in ten minutes. "This baby wants out now!"

"I can't go any faster, honey," Jamie said frustrated as she was. He wanted his wife and baby safe in the hospital not in the middle of Fifth Avenue. "We're wedged in here, love."

"Then get off of Fifth! Turn back to the precinct," Eddie cried her words lost in a shriek.

"I can't get off of Fifth, Eddie," Jamie told her. "I'm stuck in here. I can't get over to the side of the road because of the damned turn lane and I can't use the turn lane a rope around because of the construction zone. We'll be at the hospital soon."

"Jamie, there's nothing but a sea of tail lights up there," Eddie whined. "Get off this road now!"

"I can't get off this road without turning across two lanes of traffic going the opposite direction. I'm not doing that with my pregnant wife sitting in the passenger seat!" Jamie argued. 'Try to breathe deeply and be calm, sweetie. Just breathe deeply, in and out, you remember how you are so amazing at this, Eddie."

Eddie tried very hard to do as Jamie asked but the pains were too close together and the urge to push amazingly strong. "Jamie, you have to stop," she cried half sobbing, half grasping. "I have to push."

"No, you don't," Jamie told her. "You can't. Your water only broke half an hour ago."

"I know," Eddie shouted. "Either you stop, get out and catch this baby or it's going to be born on its head. I can't hold it anymore."

A quick glance at Eddie's side of the car told Jamie she was not kidding. He reached for the caution lights on the car and turned them for fifteen seconds before stepping on the break and putting his car in park. He grabbed his cell phone and dialed, "This is Jamie Reagan; I'm off duty, shield number 60528. I need bus forthwith on the corner of Fifth and 33rd street. My wife is in labor about to deliver. Put a rush on it Central, she's inches away."

The dispatch was heard by every officer, firefighter, and EMT in the area including the PC as his detail made it's way to the Brooklyn bridge. He called up to his driver, "Fifth and 33rd, that's my grandchild being born."

As Frank's detail headed for the scene, Jamie exited the car. Eddie began removing her maternity jeans and panties. Once she was free the urge to bear down and push became stronger than before.

Jamie opened the passenger side door, ignoring the angry shouts from the other drivers. "Eddie, turn sideways and try to push yourself backwards," he instructed as Eddie cried and horns honked. Eddie tried to do as he asked, "It hurts too much!" she sobbed using all her energy.

"Okay honey," Jamie soothed. "Take a deep breath and push yourself back really hard, okay. On three. One, two, three."

With Jamie's help, and sheer will power, Eddie managed to get herself positioned properly on the seat of the car. As Jamie continued to coach her breathing, Eddie bent her knees so Jamie could deliver the baby.

"The baby is crowning, honey," Jamie told her. "You have a push for me?"

Eddie sobbed, already so tired from her labor and the intensity of it. Jamie heard the warp of a police siren as Eddie cried and writhed in pain on the front seat of the car. "Need help, Jamie?" he heard as he knelt in front of his scared wife. "Yeah…she's crowning but the contractions are so close together."

Frank nodded, "Go support her back I'll take over here…"

Jamie ran around the side of the car and climbed into the front seat. He grabbed Eddie's shoulders holding her upright. "Okay, Eddie, the baby's head is here, you just have to push really hard. Come on! You can do it!"

Eddie gave a brief node and pushed hard with her next contraction, "Great job, Eddie!" Frank exclaimed as Jamie held her close and wiped her sweaty forehead with the back of his hand trying to offer any comfort her could. "I'm so proud of you. I love you so much."

Three pushes later Eddie had fallen back against Jamie's chest and a crowd of curious on lookers had gathered around the car. They could hear the ambulance's air horn as it fought through the stopped traffic.

On her next push Eddie managed to get the baby's head out, "Okay, Eddie, now the head is out. This next contraction is really important," Frank reminded her. "We have to get the shoulders all the way out. I want you to look at my face the entire time, okay. "Deep breath in and push, two, three, four…"

That was all it took before Eddie expelled the fourth healthy Reagan baby from her body. Frank cleared the newborn's nose and throat and was rewarded with a lusty, strong wail. One of the on lookers passed a clean white towel to the officer controlling traffic for the ambulances arrival, and he in turn gave it to Frank. Jamie changed places with a second officer and went around the passenger side of the car to meet his new baby. With tears falling from his eyes he took the swaddled newborn and laid it on Eddie's chest.

Eddie's tear eyes met Jamie's as she waited for Jamie to reveal the child's sex. He reached in and rubbed his forefinger against the baby's soft cheek. "She's a daughter," he whispered to Eddie was she cradled the baby to her breast. "A beautiful, perfect daughter."

Frank smiled down at his son and daughter-in-law who had just enriched his family with the birth of their precious baby girl. "Well, does she have a name?" Jamie checked his watch, 12:01 am on Christmas Day. He whispered in Eddie's ear and earned a smile and nod. "Noelle," Jamie replied emotion still thickening his voice. "Her name is Noelle."

Frank nodded his approval at her name and reached now to touch the baby's tiny kicking foot. "Merry Christmas, Noelle Reagan. Welcome to the family." With that he leaned down an bestowed a soft kiss on baby's cheek knowing once and for all Christmas was a season for miracles.


	4. Christmas to Remember

A/N: There will be one final installment to tie up a couple loose ends. I am so glad so many of my readers are enjoying this. Please leave a review.

Christmas to Remember

Reagan Home  
Brooklyn, New York  
December 24, 2050

Eddie lay on the large queen size bed she had shared with Jamie or that last thirty years. It was a nice 40 degree that night but Eddie felt as if it were much colder. She'd been struggling with cancer for the last seven months. Her surgical scars had healed nicely leaving two smooth pink lines across her abdomen. Jamie promised he'd let her have them corrected when she kicked the disease out of her body and into submission. She had little doubt she would ever succeed at that, but it was a lovely thought. The chemotherapy used to treat her condition ravaged her frail body. She'd shed over forty pounds weighting only 75 lbs on a 5'2" frame. The thick silky locks Jamie loved to finger as they lay cuddled in bed had fallen out leaving only pathetic stringy patches interspersed with large areas of skin. She'd lost her body hair, her eyebrows, her eyelashes; it was all gone. What was worse, she'd lost her strength, her energy, and her independence. The doctors said if she didn't' start to turn around soon, she'd not see another summer let alone another Christmas. Jamie believed the new drugs would finally work and restore Eddie's health, Eddie lived for the day Jamie would stop believing and let her go in peace. This, lying in bed, too weak to feed herself most days let alone her family was no kind of life for her. It was no kind of life for anyone.

It was getting close to midnight that Christmas Eve. All their children had come home even Abigail who had spoken earlier about going to spend the holiday with her husband's family in Lake Tahoe. As an even bigger treat, Jamie had flown Jack and Sean in from their respective homes to insure every living family member was present this holiday. It was delightful for Eddie to see everyone milling around the old house they inherited officially when Frank passed away.

Quietly, Jamie opened the bedroom door trying not to make noise and disturb Eddie's sleep, except she wasn't sleeping. She spoke softly, "Finished playing Santa Claus for the night?"

Jamie immediately moved to the bed and took Eddie's hand, "I'm sorry, honey. Was I too loud?"

"No, I wasn't asleep. I was thinking, waiting for you," Eddie replied.

"You shouldn't be," Jamie gently scolded. "You need your sleep. The body heals when it sleeps."

Eddie closed her eyes a brief moment. "I know that, dear. I do. It's just so hard to be comfortable."

"Pain?" Jamie asked gently caressing her pale, drawn cheek.

"Not much," Eddie said honestly. "Nothing is comfortable now, nothing is warm…And I'm tired of that."

"I know you are," Jamie sympathized. "I am too and I'm sure the end is in sight now. I know the new regimen is going to do it, Eddie. Its going to help you beat this thing down, baby."

Eddie leaned her cheek into his hand, then reached a cold thin hand of her own up to cover it. "Jamie, I wish I had your faith in that, you will to defeat this thing. It would all be better now if I had that strength."

"But you do," Jamie assured her. "You are the bravest most courageous woman I've ever met. I get my strength from you, Eddie."

"Jamie, I…" Eddie began. She paused and licked her lips turning her head slightly toward the night stand. Jamie took the cup of water he kept there and held it so Eddie could take a few small sips. Once she swallowed and rested a minute she spoke again.

"Jamie, I was lying here tonight thinking, listening to everyone downstairs having fun, and I realized what I was missing out on doing," Eddie sighed. I have no joy in my life as it is now, nothing but endless days of loneliness and boredom knowing that I'm a drain on you and on our kids. The chemo, all of these therapies, it's extending my…"

"Life, Eddie!" Jamie interjected for her. "It's extending your life. I know it's hard. I can see what it has done to you, but you are still here with us, with me and I will not let you forget that or change it! I will not permit that. Not ever! Do you hear me?"

"No," Eddie sighed. "I hear your fear and your desire to keep me with you, but that is not you talking. That isn't my husband saying those words. It's his pain, not his heart."

"Yes, it is my heart," Jamie countered. "My heart that could not bear the pain of losing you. You've come from behind to win before and you'll do it again. You just have to keep fighting, keep trying. Don't give up now."

Eddie offered Jamie a small smile and took his hands in hers, "I'm tired, Jamie. I'm too tired to keep the pain hidden from you, too tired to withstand endless hours on the floor in front of the toilet and certainly too tired to enjoy life at all. I'm not living, Jamie, I'm existing. I…It's not fair of you to ask me to go on like this and…"

"Not fair of me?" Jamie asked pain and anger glowing in his eyes. "It's not fair of your to give up on this, on our family. You are not going to die, Eddie. I won't let you."

"I don't want to give up, Sweetheart," Eddie sighed. "But I have to or I will leave you with only painful memories of these pathetic months and no warm happy ones. I'm existing on the chemo, Jamie, not living. If I only have a limited amount of time on earth, I want to spend it participating in my life no waiting for it to pass by."

"Eddie, do you honestly think I am going to sit here and look into your eyes, eyes so filled with love and vitality and bless your decision to give up this fight and to leave me and our children?" Jamie said huskily. "I won't do that, Eddie. I can't."

"I don't need your blessing, Jamie" Eddie sighed. 'Or your permission. I am telling you that I can't do this anymore. I can't take the pain, the nausea, this feeling inside as if I'm…" She bit her lip hard and turned her face away from Jamie's penetrating gaze.

Jamie's hand shook as the force of Eddie's words hit him square in the chest. Eddie was exhausted, weak, and in utter agony from the cancer coursing through her body and even after months of fighting the disease was winning. The treatment was taking more out of her than the cancer itself. She was lying there asking him to let her stop this, to let her be free if that was her destiny and use the time she would have left to enjoy being with the children and with him. Eddie had already done so much for him and given him so much, he couldn't deny her this Christmas wish.

Jamie rose from his seat on the bed and paced the room as he had done so many times through their lives as husband and wife, as cops, and mostly as parents. He stopped in front of the large bay window that Abigail and Beth helped decorate with faux frost and stick on tress. At first Jamie though the light dusting on the ground was an optical illusion, a projection from the décor only when he looked to the lights outside he could make out flurries falling from the sky and landing on the grass giving the place a new, soft glow.

"Oh my," he gasped in surprise. They hadn't had a white Christmas since Noelle's fifth birthday. New York had plenty of snow, but it just had not been on Christmas Eve. Jamie decided right then if this was the last Christmas he would spend with Eddie it would be one they both remembered.

Jamie moved over to the bed, "Eddie," he said softly. "You have to see what's happening outside. Can…Do you have the strength to put your arms around my neck? I want to share something special with you."

"Jamie, I…" Eddie began.

"Ssh," Jamie soothed. "Just try to put your arms around my neck, honey."

Eddie sighed and focused her energy on raising her arms only to fail at that attempt with a soft moan.

"That's okay," Jamie soothed. "Let me get your hat and sweater and we'll try again.

A moment later, Jamie returned to Eddie's side. He gently wrapped her heavy sweater around her frail shoulders and set a wool stocking cap on her head. With infinite care and tenderness Jamie maneuvered Eddie's arms around his neck so he could lift her from the bed and carry her out to the porch.

Once Jamie got Eddie outside he eased himself into a chair and cradled her in his lap against his chest. "Look," he smiled and pointed at the flurries falling from the sky. "Isn't it beautiful?"

Eddie smiled, 'It hasn't snowed on Christmas Eve in so many years. It's perfect. So peaceful."

"Yeah," Jamie agreed, placing a soft kiss on Eddie's temple. "Just like this moment, perfect."

The pain sat there holding one another for a few silent minutes. Eddie would occasionally nuzzle her cheek against Jamie's chest or Jamie would kiss Eddie's temple. Finally, after what seemed like a second or an eternity, he spoke, "Honey, I heard every word you said before and you know every triumph and failure you experienced in all this is I shared with you. Still, I can't suffer for you as much as I'd like to and I can't seem to take your pain away. All I can do is support you in what you decided to do and I will, my love. If you want to say stop, then say it and I'll stand with you."

As Jamie said those words tears began to fall from his eyes onto Eddie's cheek. "Eddie raised her hand nad pushed the tears off Jamie's face. "Thank you, Jamie," she replied. "You don't' know what that means to me. I've been thinking about what's right or fair and my illness does affect all of us, still I'm the one that has to fight it and I'm tired. After the new year, I will start the experimental drug you signed me up for and I will take that treatment and make a stand. If it succeeds, I'll continue until I'm cured. If it fails, I'll call it quits and let nature take it's course."

"Nothing about this is fair," Jamie sighed. "But that's a Christmas gift I can't pass up. I love you so much."

"I love you, too," Eddie replied and settled back against Jamie's chest to watch the snow fall.


	5. Sleep in Heavenly Peace

A/N: This has been a fun ride. I really appreciate everyone coming along with me. Happy and Healthy Holidays!

Sleep in Heavenly Peace

O'Connor Family Home  
Formerly Reagan Family Home  
December 24, 2071

Patrick sat in his robe, face lit only by the dim firelight and the lights on the tree. He and Jenna had used his Mom's candle lights this year making a beautiful old fashioned tree. In his hand he held the old snowman ornament that his father had made as a little boy in this very house.

Eddie was restless that early morning, and slowly got out of bed. Leaning heavily on her cane she was now dependent on for walking she slowly walked to the long staircase. One by one she descended the steps pausing when...no it couldn't be. Sitting in Jamie's old chair, in front of the fire was...no, no it couldn't be.

She thought back to a time long ago, a time when every morning would all but guarantee the same sight as she descended down the stairs. Jamie would be wearing his robe and sitting in that chair, sometimes reading the paper, sometimes deeply lost in thought, but always sitting in that chair. Patrick looked so much like his father had at that age, so much like him. For those fleeting moments, Eddie would've sworn it was her beloved husband, once again in his chair.

Patrick heard his mother's soft footfalls and turned to see her at the edge of the staircase. When the firelight hit his amazing blue eyes, she covered her mouth to stifle a heart breaking sob.

Patrick rose and quickly went to his mother's side, "Mom, Mom, it's okay, I'm here," he said softly, gently, taking his 82 year old mother into his strong arms.

"I miss him," she whispered very softly.

"I know, Mom. I know, I miss him too. Come sit down," he said gently and just as gently led her to his father's chair. Eddie refused to sit in it.

"I can't," she cried, shaking her head. "Not yet, I just can't."

"Okay, okay," he said and eased her onto the sofa, automatically moving to get a pillow for her back. He eased her back and covered her thin legs with a blanket. "There you go. How's that?"

"Good," she said, her tears beginning to slow. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. You just, you looked so much like him sitting there like that, you know? You've always been the picture of your dad and your Uncle Joe."

"Two strong men," Patrick sighed. "I can't ask for more. I'm glad you kepy his chair even if none of us sat in it for the last year until I did just now. It still smells like him."

She nodded. "I loved that cologne he always wore. Something about it, I just loved it." Her chin began to quiver again.

Patrick reached out and touched his mother's tears, "Dad wouldn't want us to be sad, Mom. He'd hate it if he saw you crying on Christmas."

"What makes you think that?" asked Eddie, raising her voice a bit. "He knew this year, this Christmas would be sad. He knew!"

Patrick began to rub her back gently, "Mom, Mom, ssh...Ssh, this is not good for your health. Remember what the doctors said," he soothed. "Calm down...Its all right."

She sobbed a few times, and then took a deep breath. "I don't know what I'd do without you, you and the others. I just miss your dad so much."

"Mom, Dad...he...that last year or so...He wasn't happy. He didn't want to live like that," Patrick tried to soothe. "He didn't want you to live like that."

"I know," she said quietly, reaching out for her son's hand. "He did so well for so long, though. He had a really good long life, 87."

Patrick nodded, "He did. He did so well, but once his heart really started to fail so did the rest of his body. But he was stubborn right up until the end. Remember?"

She smiled just a touch. "He was so many things; a quitter was never among them."

"He loved Christmas," Patrick sighed.

"He didn't want it to be sad for the kids, or for me," Eddie sighed. "I still can't believe it. He hadn't been up for days but Christmas morning, when I woke him up he wanted to come downstairs and open presents. So you and Noelle's boys helped him down and we had such a happy Christmas. He was smiling and laughing, he didn't seem to be so sick."

"No he didn't," Patrick smiled. "You going to be okay, Mom. It's really later. We should go back up to bed."

"You go on, son," Eddie said. 'I'm going to sit and look at the lights a little longer."

Patrick kissed his mother's head and head upstairs. The Reagan house was filled to the rim that holiday, the first holiday without Jamie. Everyone was there sleeping in any room they could fit into. They had added onto the house over the years, leaving plenty of bedrooms and dens for the family to sprawl out in.

As Eddie looked at the tree she thought about Jamie. They had so many years together, this last one just didn't seem right with him gone. In 22 hours, he'd be gone one entire year. He held on until the Christmas day and birthday celebrations were over, then went peacefully in his sleep with her in his arms. It was the most precious moment of her life being at his side and in his arms literally until death did them part.

Eddie was just about to go to bed when she heard footsteps, she turned to see Noelle working her way down the steps. "Mom, it's after 2 am. You should be in bed, the kids are going to have us all up very early."

Eddie sighed, "I know. I was just thinking about Dad." She patted the sofa beside her and Noelle sat down. "Yeah, me too. I couldn't' sleep. It wasn't the same this year without him recanting and increasingly dramatizing the details of my birth."

Eddie laughed, "I think that scarred him for life. You were overdue and all of a sudden I went from water breaks to ten centimeters in the middle of Fifth Avenue. I think if Dad had to catch you, he could have dropped you."

Noelle laughed at the memory, "You two never made it seem like my birthday was hidden inside of Christmas you know? You always made it so special."

Eddie smiled at her, "It is special. You are so special Noelle. You know something, Dad, he loved Christmas since I met him, but after you came…" Eddie beamed. "He loved you so much, his last baby. Don't tell your brother and sisters but you were his pride and joy. He was so proud of you and I know he was smiling last month when you became Commissioner."

"You know I didn't think I could miss him more than I did that day but today…I think I do. When I heard you down here almost though…"

"I know I did too. Your brother was in Dad's old chair earlier. I came down and it was like he was here again. I feel him all around me today, especially here." Eddie stood up and looked at the candle lights on the tree. "Are you gonna be okay sweetie?" Noelle was always a sensitive little girl and just like Jamie in her career as a police officer.

"Yeah," Noelle replied. "You look pretty tired, Mom. Come on up to bed."

"I am comfortable down here honey," Eddie replied softly. She sat back down on the couch and put her feet up. Noelle joined her mother. "I think I'll sit with you a while longer okay?" Noelle slid her arms around Eddie and hugged her mom tight.

"Eddie…" came a soft distant voice. "Hey, Eddie come on…." Eddie stirred and opened her eyes. She must have fallen asleep on the couch. Noelle was still asleep her head resting on Eddie's lap like she used to do when she was little.

"Eddie!" she heard the voice again as clear as day.

"Jamie…" Eddie said her husband's name on a sigh and stood quickly. "Jamie, I can't see you…"

"Oh sorry, I'm still learning how to do this," he replied. She heard the soft sound of a ringing bell then Jamie appeared, not old and sick like she remembered him, but young and vital, the man she married.

Eddie's eyes filled with tears, "Oh, Jamie…Is this a dream? It has to be a beautiful dream!"

"It's not a dream, my love. I'm here, I'm here with you always." He reached out and touched her cheeks. The last time she felt his touch it had been so cold. Now it was warm and strong like she remembered.

"Jamie, I miss you so much. I was thinking of trying to get through today without you here and I…"

"Ssh, you're not without me, Eddie. Never. I am always in your heart and we will to together again soon, sweetheart. I know things…"

Eddie smiled, "How soon?"

"I can't say, but know that I speak the truth when I promise you that we will never spend a Christmas apart. I'm here now and by next year we'll get together." He kissed her lips softly.

"Jamie are you allowed to kiss in Heaven?"

Jamie laughed and blinked at the ceiling. A mistletoe appeared suspended in the air above his head, "I think considering it's the rules and all I'll be forgiven." He pulled her close again and held her tight. "Never a Christmas apart. I promised you that once and I meant it." Jamie pecked a kiss on her nose then kissed her lips. Eddie sighed, feeling happy, safe, and warm for the first time in a year. "Soon my love," Jamie whispered again. "Very soon we can hold each other forever. You'll meet Joe, Joe loves you already. He can't wait to tell you himself."

Eddie laid her head on Jamie's chest. "Do you have to go?"

"Yes, but I promise you, there' won't be another Christmas apart. I promise…" He kissed her once last time. "I love you, Mrs. Reagan. Merry Christmas."

"I love you too, Jamie. Merry Christmas."

Noelle though she heard her mother whisper something, "Are you okay, Mom?" She looked to her side and found Eddie still fast asleep, a smile on her face. Noelle sat up and gently moved Eddie so she was lying on the sofa. She layered a blanket over her and kissed her cheek leaving Eddie to sleep peacefully.

As Noelle left Eddie sleeping she headed upstairs passing the picture of her parents taken at the 55th wedding anniversary. They were so happy, all of their lives. She only hoped to be as in love with her husband then as she was now. She started up the steps, looking back at the image of her father. "Merry Christmas, Daddy."

She could have sworn she heard him whisper, "Merry Christmas, Baby. Happy Birthday to you."


End file.
